The Healing Power of Touch

A basic human need

Mother and child - the original, natural, bond of touch.

We know how important touch is to an infant. If it’s absent early on in life, a child doesn’t stand a very good chance of thriving.

I believe it’s every bit as important for adults.

But, first, let me get the wrong kind of touch out of the way.

The kind that makes us feel shame and fear and anger.

Used, violated, helpless, traumatized.

Powerless.

The uninvited kind.

The kind that crossed a line.

A world full of both women and men walking around with PTSD of one level or another from being touched inappropriately.

Today I want to say good things about touch.

How it heals.

How it's a basic human need.

How living without it can make us emotionally and physically sick.

I learned a great deal about touch when I studied Ayurveda.

Abhyanga is an oil massage that is a key component of Ayurvedic healing. It’s a form of self-massage but can also be given by another.

People with a lot of vata dosha in their constitution especially benefit from the slow gentle nature of abhyanga because oil lubricates their tendency towards dryness, it calms their over-active nervous system (vata rules the nervous system) and it can help tremendously with pain (something that is also a side effect of unbalanced vata).

Vata people generally like to touch and be touched. The air element is responsible for touch and is associated with this dosha.

In the last years of my - let’s call it a journey - with chronic pain, I discovered abhyanga and began giving myself self-massage at home. Eventually, I splurged and started going weekly to an Ayurvedic spa that was fortuitously within walking distance of my apartment.

For me, having a massage therapist gently apply the warm vata-pacifying oil while I could lay there in receiving mode was far more effective. Where most traditional forms of massage often left me in more pain rather than relieving it, I can say with certainty that abhyanga played a huge role in my healing. My pain level kept decreasing as the weeks and months went by.

But here's the thing. Many of us live a very vata-frenzied life, and no matter what our constitution is, we can all benefit from touch therapies that soothe our nerves and help to bring calm into our daily lives.

I’m not gonna lie, it had been ages since I’d taken the time to do abhyanga. My excuse - if I had a spa-like bathroom filled with natural light, I’d be more inclined to do it. As much as I love my little house, the bathroom is on the lower level and basically built into the side of the hill. So, no windows.

When I first saw it, I thought “Oh my God, it looks like a Starbucks bathroom! A fresh coat of paint and lots of candles have helped, but still, I resisted abhyanga.

And so, not to be a hypocrite, yesterday morning I took the time to perform abhyanga. I have to admit, it felt absolutely lovely once I was done.

I had a friend visit me last month who’s a massage therapist and she gave me my first massage since January 2020. I wish she’d have been here yesterday morning, but I was on my own.

A few words of caution to add to the above video if you so choose to take the abhyanga leap:

• Don’t oil the bottoms of your feet until after you shower off the oil. Then put on an old pair of socks until the oil is absorbed.

• When you wash the towel you’ve designated as your abhyanga towel you don’t care will have oil all over it, use hot water and wash it alone. Ditto the oily old socks.

• Don’t put the towel and socks in the dryer because, believe it or not, the oil can cause a fire if the dryer is hot enough.

• I sprinkle baking soda and Dr. Bronner’s Castille soap in the tub after my shower and flush it well with hot water so the oil doesn’t clog the drain. It helps to have one of those rubber thingies that catches hair over the drain so it’s easier to clean.

Yes, it’s worth all of this trouble. :)

I learned even more about touch when I studied energy healing.

Time and time again I would witness emotional and physical blockages cleared (or at least lessened) from hands-on healing. Both with myself and with clients.

Yet, I'm also aware of how vulnerable people can feel in the hands of someone doing healing work, especially if they've been traumatized by touch in the past.

I know firsthand that an inappropriate moment with someone you've trusted can be devastating and leave you touch-shy for years if not decades.

Thankfully, it is possible to move beyond and let touch back into our lives.

Always let your intuition guide you, ask questions, or speak up if something makes you uncomfortable.

And I like to remind people not to forget their own healing touch.

Laying your own hands on parts of your body where you're experiencing pain or discomfort can have amazing results.

We have powerful chakras (energy centers) in the palms of our hands, and this is where anyone doing healing work, hands-on or not, usually focuses.

A healer can feel that strong flow of energy that has the capacity to clear and recharge a person's energy and help to remove blockages that could be affecting physical and emotional health.

Anyone can feel this, and if you pay attention, you'll notice how often we use our hands with healing in mind without thinking.

We put our hands on our sick child to ease their pain.

Or on someone's back who needs steadying.

Our hands go to our heart center when something touches us deeply or to our gut when we get that "gut feeling."

Speaking of our guts, years ago I was at a healing workshop in the desert of Arizona. An Ayurvedic practitioner whom I’d been going to for massage and was aptly referred to as “Gentle Senthil”, suggested a modality known as Chi Nei Tsang (pronounced Chee Nay Zang) meaning internal organ energy transformation.

This work is part of a wider system of ancient practices known as qigong (chi kung), an art developed by Taoist and Buddhist monks in China to cultivate internal energy.

All healing is self-healing. Each person is potentially whole and has within him or herself whatever resources are needed to manifest that wholeness. Healing comes from within. External interventions merely facilitate the inherent healing processes within the organism.

—Allison Post, “Unwinding the Belly: Healing with Gentle Touch”

The experience I had was quite dramatic and life-changing.

When have you ever had a massage where your belly was touched? It is an extremely sensitive part of the body and most traditional forms of massage avoid this area altogether.

When I learned how to do abhyanga for others while in Ayurveda school, massaging the belly was part of the treatment. Always gentle and brief.

When you think about all of the vital organs that are housed in the area of the belly, as well as the fact that we were at one time connected to our mother via our navel, well, you can see just how important it is. Leave it to Ayurveda, the ancient “knowledge of life” to have recognized this thousands of years ago.

When this post about touch was rolling around in my head for a few weeks, the book I mentioned in the quote above popped into my head. I ran down to my bookshelves and there it was.

“Unwinding the Belly.”

Allison Post, the woman who wrote it, (along with her partner Stephen Cavaliere) has a remarkable story of using this ancient form of self-healing.

But if you don’t want to read the book, let me share one simple practice that you can do.

If you practice yoga then you will know what belly breathing is. Until I was well into my forties and started doing yoga, I was a shallow chest breather. Now, I know better, and oh what a difference it makes.

Once you’ve mastered belly breathing, here’s my easy version of one of the basic Chi Nei Tsang movements.

I usually do this in the morning when I wake up and/or at night before falling asleep.

• Lay on your back with your head supported by a pillow and your knees up. You can let them fall together if it’s more comfortable.

• Vigorously rub your hands together to get the energy flowing. Close your eyes and place your hands on your belly, middle fingers joined together at your navel.

• And then just breathe (belly breath) slowly and deeply for as long as you feel is necessary. If you are having issues in your pelvic region, you can move your hands lower. This almost always puts me to sleep if done at bedtime.

I found this short but informative video that you might enjoy.

And, I highly recommend Allison’s book if this is something that resonates with you. There is way more to Chi Nei Tsang than this simple practice, but it is still powerful on its own.

It's really no mystery, our need for touch. It's part of our nature, and of Nature, in general.

We’re not the only animals in the kingdom who need touch.

wildonplanet on Instagram

Think of how important physical touch with our pets can be. I’ll bet there’s more than a handful of you out there who snuggle with your dogs and cats. Even in your beds. :)

My daughter, Amy, and her beloved Lance, who sadly crossed over the Rainbow Bridge in 2020

Even Trees love to hug. And, I love to hug them, too. 💚 There’s an energy exchange happening that scientists confirm. Not that we need their confirmation. I forget who sent me this photo - if you’re reading this now, please let me know!

My friend, Gaby recently posted this on Instagram:

Credit to Gaby Melian. Check out her Substack Gabbing in My Kitchen!

I have to say, I miss holding hands. Holding hands with a loved one can be deeply intimate and healing.

And then there are hugs.

When I lived in an apartment, I could knock on a neighbor’s door for a hug. Now, I make sure to grab one whenever I see a friend.

Of course, not all hugs are created equal.

There are warm hugs and rigid reluctant hugs. And yeah, sometimes unfortunate creepy ones. Let’s not go there though.

I always try to remind myself that not everyone grew up in a huggy kind of family. I don’t remember mine being particularly hug-prone, but somehow I grew up to love hugs just the same.

So much so, that when the dreaded 2020 rolled around and I saw people falling for the six-feet-apart and don’t-touch-me narrative, I was devastated and need I say angry.

I wanted to take a piece of cardboard and write “Free Hugs” with black marker and head to Union Square in the city where in the past you could usually find someone offering up free hugs in the park.

I probably would have been arrested.

Or, I would have done it at our local farmer’s market but I’d already been evicted.

Pretty much all of my apartment neighbors were masked up and not hugging. I couldn’t be angry at them. I was just sad.

I have two other friends from Jersey City who did not succumb to the narrative. We would openly hug in the courtyard of my building, sometimes drawing side glances from neighbors. Or we’d go sit side-by-side at a river.

I hope I’m not triggering anyone. And I didn’t mean to open up yet another Covid conversation so I’m going to let it rest in peace.

We need physical touch. As one of my still-hugging friends so eloquently said

It’s part of our love language.

I believe that to be true. And I believe that touch plays a vital role in our capacity to self-heal.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. Instead, I guess it will have to be a virtual one. Sending it now with open arms.

Much Love,
Barbara

P.S. I love your comments so please keep them coming! 💗