Pain as Teacher

Willow as Healer, Raven as Messenger

Salix integra, Dappled Willow

Dear Reader,

The last week of June was a doozy. I know I’m not alone. The heat wave that swept a good deal of the country was brutal, and I couldn’t help but think about how my farmer friends must have been suffering. Wimpy me mostly stayed inside where the deer flies couldn’t bite me. Again.

On June 23rd, I saw this on Instagram:

I’m not gonna lie - I was stoked! I went to bed that night, dreaming about where I would direct my energy the next day. My book? New art? A windfall? It seemed like the sky was the limit for good fortune and setting intentions.

Instead, I got up, and at some point, the stabbing pain in my lower back began.

The heat became nothing more than an annoyance. This pain wouldn’t let me sit down (or get back up if I managed to), nor would it let me lie down.

It was like some little masochistic pain gremlin was standing behind me, holding a long, sharp blade.

When I finally turned my phone on, the first message I saw was from the bank, asking if I recognized a $1700.00 charge. Nope. Credit card hacked.

A day to expect miracles and good luck??? I will never believe an Instagram astrology meme again! :)

The good news is that because of the pain, I was unfazed by the credit card hacking. I called the bank. Got it canceled. That card had a pretty good run before one of those evil people in the world hacked it. Who are these people?

If you know me by now, you won’t be surprised that I started to wonder what the pain was really all about. I could, of course, believe that it was nothing more than bad sleep posture or an unfortunate twist during my often-hurried way of moving through my day.

Nope. Instead, The Voice informed me that I should pay attention to my first and second chakras. I concurred. An imbalance in one or both can exhibit as lower back pain.

I am no stranger to pain - in my late forties and fifties, I spent almost eight years dealing with full-body chronic pain, and it was what led me down the path to better awareness and health. My first and second chakras played a massive role in what was happening in my body, and clearing and balancing them put me on the road to healing.

Pain became my greatest teacher.

I’m not going to write about the chakras here. A quick internet search will provide a plethora of information. I will never forget the day I learned all about them. It opened up a whole new perspective on healing, and to this day, I am still learning from them.

Fortunately, I have a posse of wise friends who are no strangers to natural healing and speak the language of energy.

One friend suggested that the pain might be the result of what’s happening “out there” in the collective energy field.

So much fear and anxiety and uncertainty and feelings of lack and being ungrounded and relationship problems and sexual dysfunction, etc., etc. These are all 1st and 2nd chakra imbalances, and our world, as a collective, is experiencing so much of this. Can you see it? Can you feel it?

This love-it-or-hate-it Internet that I’m writing to you via feeds all of us with the above imbalances, whether we’re aware of it or not. I don’t watch TV, but I can only imagine the level of fear being sent directly into the psyche of billions of people across the planet.

And, if you’re highly sensitive and/or empathic, it doesn’t take much to absorb all of it. If we’re not careful and aware of how to clear it, yes, it can, and it does result in physical symptoms.

And so, I sat with what my friend said, and it definitely resonated.

Or rather, I wandered about my house because it hurt too much to sit down.

At first, I looked to the plants for help—Solomon’s Seal, Comfrey, and Mullein, who have all helped tremendously in the past. But, I was in such a pain state the first two days that I literally couldn’t function, and I was overzealous with tinctures, teas, and balms that I started to feel nauseous. When that happens, I shut things down. Nothing bothers me more than nausea.

I tried to blame the pain on the deer flies and the heat because they’ve kept me from my daily walks.

Still, I do qigong, t’ai chi, and a bit of yoga most days. I’m pretty darn flexible.

I imagine that most people would pop a few NSAIDs, as I did back in the day. Sometimes, four at a time. :(

But the thing about pain, I learned from wise healers, was that it’s there for a reason—a signal from our body to slow down and pay attention. To let the body do its thing.

And ask the question - “What is this really all about?”

When you numb yourself with painkillers, you might think things are healed when all you’ve done is put a band-aid on.

On day 2, I opened my email to find this bit of wisdom from Celtic Shamanism teacher Jane Burns. She wrote:

I have always loved Rumi's poem "The Guest House" with its seemingly quirky advice to greet our difficulties at the door, laughing. Even hypothetically speaking, that feels like a tall order.

I have sometimes found though, that if I can gather up the presence of mind to be calm and trusting and even grateful in the face of challenging moments, things seem to resolve themselves more quickly and more positively than I ever could have imagined. It surprises me when that happens, but, well, why not?

Each month I ask my helping spirits for a message and this one seemed to express the same sentiments as Rumi's famous poem:

"You are not, nor will you ever be, a victim of circumstance. Your life is precisely and elegantly designed to facilitate a growing and a learning toward something greater than you can even imagine. Could you understand a movie by seeing one clip, a book by reading one page? That is about as much scope and understanding as you currently have on the totality of who you are, where you are, and why you are here in this moment.

What if all of your limitations, all of your struggles and frustrations, your disappointments and regrets were actually self-imposed? Perceived. What if they were not a true reflection of who you are or of what is really happening?

As you go about your life, there is this ongoing struggle in you to achieve more sovereignty and freedom, more say, more command over your life. But, in truth you already have that. You are, as they say, holding all the cards. You always have been.

There is within you an awareness, a knowing, a deep understanding and agreement with all that transpires in your life. That observes, rather than struggles, that synthesizes, integrates, that knows all is not lost. That planned this life to unfold as it is now doing. This ever-present awareness within is more you than the person you believe yourself to be.

Everything that is ever lost in one life is regained a hundred times over. After every separation, there is reunion. After struggle and turmoil, there is sublime peace. After loss and deprivation, a raining down of riches. After sickness, profound strength and vitality.

You are not this one thing, this one person. You are many things, emanating from many dimensions.

So, yes, you still need to get up tomorrow and go about the day being you, the you that you know yourself to be. But, try and ease the constraint of that. Whatever the challenges are, remind yourself, they are not forever. They are just here now, and they are telling you something, showing you something that you asked to be told and shown long before you arrived in this moment. What is the message your challenges are bringing you?

It is perfectly fine to say, I don’t know: I don’t know why this challenge has presented itself. I don’t know what to do. But what you can also say is this: all will reveal itself in time. I can relax. The solutions are right at hand. What is here now has deep value, meaning, and wisdom. I am open to receiving it, and I am grateful.

When you shut down or push away an experience because it is difficult, you are closing your arms to the gifts that are available within it. You are closing your mind to possibility and the miraculous. You are prolonging your own suffering and confusion. With gratitude and acceptance, resolutions will be expedited and your challenges will unfold with grace.

You are on schedule. You are exactly where you need to be. You are how you need to be. Relax. It is alright. Truly."

—Jane Burns (and her helping spirits)

When I shared what I was going through with another wise friend and told her I thought it was related to the 1st or 2nd chakra, she said, “Maybe it’s something old that you thought you had processed, but you haven’t quite.” Ouch. That hit me right in my lower back.

It was on the left side, by the way—the feminine/yin side. The receptive and intuitive side.

And then, a phone call helped fill in the blank.

I was speaking to a relative when out of the blue, she asked me a question about something that happened decades ago. It was from the darkest time in my life, and when she mentioned one word…a place…it was as though she had unwittingly unlocked the door to a dank, dark closet in an attic so filled with sadness and grief and pain and regret and blame that I had tried never to look inside again.

I burst into tears, the memories flooding my mind and my heart. I know she felt bad, but she had given me a gift by unlocking that door, allowing me to try to process the pain of what was inside.

Because that is how we truly heal. We see it, we feel it, and then we try to let it go as best we can.

The next morning, a Dragonfly was waiting for me on my kitchen screen door when I opened it. I’ve been wondering when their wondrous army would come and eat the deer flies.

Speaking of deer flies again, would you like to see what a deer fly looks like? Since I complain about them every summer. This is just one of dozens who were swarming my car.

Later that day, I heard what I can only describe as a ruckus in the woods behind the house. It was so loud and unnerving that I stood there in shock. It went on for a good couple of minutes.

A bird, definitely, but what was that other animal? I was feeling so foggy that I didn’t grab my phone to tape it.

Well, it happened three more times within the week. The second time I recorded it:

Raven!!

My Merlin App identified all of the sounds as those of a Common Raven. Well, there’s nothing common about a Raven, in my opinion!

I spent the day in slowness. Watching my every step so as not to awaken the pain gremlin with the knife.

My day turned into an unintentional walking meditation because I couldn’t sit.

I dropped into gratitude for the birdsong, the mountains, the wildflowers, and the forest that surrounds me.

What’s that saying?

Gratitude is the Attitude.

It really is true.

All of a sudden, I heard The Voice whisper, “Willow.” I looked up, and there she was, the stunningly beautiful Dappled Willow, calling to me.

I had a long conversation with her. She enveloped me with her gentle, dappled Pink-kissed branches, swaying in the breeze, and said, “ Be more flexible and stop forcing things. Go with the flow.” A perfect message from a beautiful, feminine plant.

I asked if I could cut a few of her branches and make some Willow Bark tea, which is a good natural remedy for pain.

I took a few extra small cuttings and tucked them into the waistband of my pajamas, and somehow I got myself settled in bed for the night. I spent some time balancing all of my chakras and sending healing to my back.

The next morning, I was so much better! It would be a few more days before I was fully mobile, but I had turned a corner.

I made a flower essence from this wonderful plant ally of mine. I have loved Willow since I was a child and have many healing stories involving her. So, of course, it was she who called to me.

In “A Druid’s Herbal of Sacred Tree Medicine,” Ellen Evert Hopman writes:

Willow is above all a healer with a gentle touch. Native Americans call her “the whispering one” because of the way the breeze plays through her branches. In Celtic areas she is associated with the harp, the most ethereal of instruments, and with the gentle soul of the poet.

—Ellen Evert Hopman

Later that afternoon, I decided to go see what Ted Andrews has to say about Raven in his book, “Animal-Speak.” But another book caught my eye first.

“Medicine Cards” by Jamie Sams and David Carson has sat on my bookshelf untouched for many years. I bought it on one of my trips to the Southwest. I opened the book and read:

To understand the concept of medicine in the Native American way, one must redefine “medicine.” The medicine referred to in this book is anything that improves one’s connection to the Great Mystery and to all life. This would include the healing of body, mind, and of spirit. This medicine is also anything that brings personal power, strength, and understanding. It is the constant living of life in a way that brings healing to the Earth Mother and to all of our associates, family, friends, and fellow creatures. Native American medicine is an all-encompassing “way of life,” for it involves walking on the Earth Mother in perfect harmony with the Universe.

Our fellow creatures, the animals, exhibit habit patterns that will relay these messages of healing to anyone astute enough to observe their lessons on how to live. The precious gifts of true medicine are free. Each lesson is based on one major idea or concept and, for the sake of simplicity, each animal has been assigned one of these lessons. In reality, each animal in creation has hundreds of lessons to impart, and all of those lessons are powers that can be called upon.

—Jamie Sams and David Carson

And so, I picked up the oracle cards and started to shuffle them. On the third shuffle, a card flew out of the deck. I love it when that happens! It’s like an extra confirmation that that card is meant for you.

And lo and behold, oh my goodness, it was

Raven!

From “Medicine Cards”

You can’t make this stuff up!

Throughout time, Raven has carried the medicine of magic. This has been true in many cultures across the planet. It is sacred in the medicine ways, to honor Raven as the bringer of magic…

Raven magic is a powerful medicine that can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form. The void is called the Great Mystery. Great Mystery existed before all other things came into being. Great Spirit lives inside the void and emerged from the Great Mystery. Raven is the messenger of the void.

If Raven appears in your spread, you are about to experience a change in consciousness. This may involve walking inside the Great Mystery on another path at the edge of time. It would portend a signal brought by the Raven that says, “You have earned the right to see and experience a little more of life’s magic. Raven’s color is the color of the void—the black hole in space that holds all the energy of the creative source.

—”Medicine Cards” by Jamie Sams and David Carson

I am not at all surprised by how this all played out—the back pain, Willow, and Raven. I have been feeling the subtle stirrings of Magic. I don’t know what is coming my way, but I am open to it. The other day, I took a shamanic journey to the Lower World to welcome Raven to my family of helping spirits. Grandmother Willow was there, too, in a gown made of Pink Dappled leaves.

So, the next time pain visits you - be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual - take time to ask the question:

What is this really all about?

Then, listen deeply. And wait for the signs. I guarantee you the more you slow down and get quiet, the more you will see and hear and know.

It’s Magic.

Much Love,
Barbara

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